Friendship 101: The Missing Life Lesson Never Taught

Spoiler: It’s not about the number of selfies or how many times you text ‘hey, let’s catch up!’ Turns out, we’ve been getting it somewhat wrong —

I recently stumbled upon a video featuring two well-known public speaking figures (you can check it out at the end of this post). They had a brief but thought-provoking conversation that really made me reflect—it was all about friendship. That’s right, no groundbreaking tech or revolutionary ideas, just about friendship.

I’m sure the moment you read the word 'friendship,' a memory popped into your mind for a special moment with a close friend or even just the face of someone you hold dear. It definitely happened to me!

Throughout their conversation, they dropped several insightful 'golden nuggets,' starting with this that really got me engaged and thinking:

“There’s an entire industry on how to be better leaders, better employees, eat better sleep better, Yet there isn’t anything on how to be a good friend!“

When I first heard this, it really struck me. It’s so true! Throughout my adolescence, from school to university and even in the workplace, we're taught a variety of skills—fundamental tools to help us build our careers and, to some extent, find our purpose in life. But when it comes to learning how to be a friend and maintaining those friendships, it’s like a social experiment we’re expected to figure out on our own. We have to create our own rules for friendship. In a way, we navigate this journey with unclear guidelines and expectations, trying to match our own understanding of friendship with the often ambiguous interpretations of others. After all, we can never fully know how others define or approach friendship, which makes it even harder to truly connect.

While all these challenges exist today, most of us do have someone we consider a friend. I have people I enjoy spending time with, sharing laughs with, and reminiscing about the memories we've made (You know, the fun times!). But is that really what friendship is? I try to connect, reach out, and catch up with friends, but again, is that true friendship?

Both speakers probed this area and asked if we've ever simply sat with a friend through their difficult times, listening for hours or even consecutive days without trying to fix anything or offer advice. Have we ever been there for them, fully present to share their sorrow, stress, anxiety or addiction? That’s when he described friendship as 'the ultimate biohack that has the power to heal everything.'

This was where another conflicting thought came up to me and was also brought up in their conversation that if am really a good friend to someone, then why would I “Disturb OR Bother“ my friend with my personal troubles, It feels like I'm asking them to carry a heavy burden that’s mine to bear, something I should handle on my own. But then, he said something profound:

“if you're truly someone’s friend, then not allowing them to support you in times of need is almost like denying them the honor of being there for you.” That, he said, is what friendship is really about.

This is a radical shift for me to fully grasp. We were raised in a society that emphasized independence and self-focus, where the idea of hanging out with friends was often seen as mere entertainment rather than a meaningful connection. But now, we’re learning that true friendship is about being there for each other during tough times. Yes, our immediate family members can be our friends in a way, but they have other roles to play, which can make it challenging for them to fully embody that role without conflicts.

I don’t have all the answers—honestly, I’m still figuring it out too! Just reflecting on what it means to be a friend now that I’ve barely scratched the surface of understanding it. But what I do know is that being a good friend starts with showing up. Even if I don't have all the career accolades or resources to solve their problems, I will reach out more often, be present, hear more than speak and make an effort to understand them beyond a smile or a text, even if it’s easier just to let the response be that am doing good.

Check out this full video here :)